The Runt

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It was a summer night. The day was hot and humid but the cool breeze had toned down the temperature at night. The whole town had heaved a sigh of relief from the intense heat and was sitting outside their houses and chatting. Gauri was oblivious of the weather. She sat alone on the porch in a straw mattress folding the dry clothes. She kept gazing at the gravel pathway from time to time. It was already dinner time and she was waiting for her son to return home so that they could have their food together. He had left in the morning but there was no sight of him till now. All day she had waited for him and continued doing so.

There was a clinking sound of the gate opening. A slight smile crossed the lips of Gauri and she heaved a sigh of relief at the sight of her son entering the gate. She tried to get up fast but the pain in her knees slowed her down. He crossed her and entered the house avoiding looking in her direction. She called out to him and tried to talk in a cheerful tone.

“Raju, I was waiting for you only. Go wash your hands and let’s have dinner together. I made your favourite drumstick sambar and rice. You wanted to have it all the time when you were a little boy so today I….”

“I had dinner… please don’t wait for me every day”, Raju waved his hand and cut her short.

Gauri’s face fell. Raju crossed the hallway with wobbly legs. Before entering his room, he turned towards her and asked without meeting her eyes,

“How is your joint pain today?”

“It’s better…”, Gauri answered in a subdued tone.

“Hmm… Take care of yourself Amma…please…”

He shut the door mumbling to himself something inaudible. 

Gauri kept standing where she was. She neither missed the liquor stench nor the red eyes. A teardrop slid down her cheek. She wiped it with her saree and sat on the straw mattress again holding her knee which was causing trouble to her these days. Age had corroded her bones. She was not as active as she used to be. She sat watching the silhouette of the long and sleek palm trees in front of her house swaying in the wind. The cool breeze caressed her cheeks and a few strands of white hair loosened from her bun and flew. There was a time when she used to be a dynamic lady who managed the household alone at her fingertips. A proud mother of five children….

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Gauri was married quite young as was the case in those days. But she was a mature woman full of vitality. Her husband had a transferable job so managing the home and her children fell on Gauri’s dainty shoulders right from the beginning. But she handled all her responsibilities with aplomb. 

The success of a parent is often measured by the quality of children they raise. She had raised her five children, two girls and three boys almost single-handedly and her efforts were visible. Physically they were in the pink of health. All of them were brilliant students and when they grew up, they were successful in whatever fields they chose to pursue. Whoever knew them praised Gauri for her dedication and her efforts to raise such children. It made Gauri beam with a silent pride.

It often happens that sometimes people get so preoccupied with their success that they miss noticing the little failure lurking behind the victory. When the children grew up and were well settled, a similar thing happened to Gauri in the form of her third child Raju. 

Raju was what one calls ‘the silent one’. He was always a quiet and an undemanding child. He preferred to be alone most of the time immersed in his books. He was also an exceptional student just like his siblings. A few of Gauri’s children were demanding and few others liked to throw tantrums which made handling them difficult for her. But Raju was not one of them. He was a fuss free child and Gauri never had to worry about him ever… until now.

Raju had an arranged marriage with Vasudha who his parents had selected for him. They had a son in due course and their family was complete. The little bundle of joy filled their life with happiness. Raju held a prestigious job in an MNC. He bought a house, car and he had everything one could dream of for a perfect life.

One fine day everything went topsy turvy. Gauri was shocked to hear that Raju had left his job citing that he didn’t like the work anymore. But the strange thing was that he didn’t seem in a mood to find another one also. He also had some misunderstanding with Vasudha because of which she left his house taking their son Viaan with her. The worst of all, he had taken to drinking due to frustration. All the other siblings tried to patch them up and put some sense into his head but they had failed. It had resulted in a big fight and he was not talking terms to anyone of them. Nobody could understand the problem with him. 

Raju had become a recluse. His house and car were confiscated since he was unable to repay the loan. He had moved to his ancestral home as he had nowhere else to stay. If anybody tried to contact him, he avoided them except her eldest sister with whom he was a little bit connected. She had succeeded in persuading him to consult a psychiatrist. The doctor’s diagnosis had startled all. It seemed he suffered from certain issues pertaining right from his childhood. The doctor said that he had faced some sort of negligence which occurred when he was a child which made him unstable in all the decisions he took in his life. It seems everything was forced upon him. There was a certain standard set by everyone which he had to meet and no one asked him what he really wanted. So now he felt like leaving whatever was causing him trouble in his mind for once and all and he had done exactly that. But now he was unsure of his purpose in life and he didn’t know what to do. His only solace was his books. That was the only relationship that he was able to maintain.

This knowledge was a blow to Gauri. It shattered her pride and her confidence that she had brought up all her five children well. Her least problematic child was suffering and the reason was cited as an ‘improper, neglected and forced childhood’. Gauri was shocked and was unable to accept this. Her silent and fuss free Raju was not that fuss free after all. Gauri’s husband was old and although he was sad at this surprise development, he had given up. He didn’t know what he could do for him now and he didn’t have to. He passed away soon due to old age. Again, all the worry fell on Gauri’s hands.

Gauri was a strong-willed woman who had never given up on any negative situation in her life. Moreover, in this case, the mother in her was challenged. She was determined to save her ‘neglected’ son’s life come what may. She was determined to mend the mistake she had committed unknowingly in the past.

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Gauri sat on the wooden bench under a tree outside the library. She wore a light blue cotton saree and had a steel water bottle in hand from which she sipped water from time to time to avoid getting dehydrated. The shade of the huge Gulmohar tree provided some relief from the scorching heat. She was engrossed in a phone call.

“Please try and understand… he is not like what he seems to be now…you have lived with him for a few years… Did he ever give you a chance to complain?”

“His son is everything for him…”

“Consider what I just told you Vasudha… please”

Gauri requested in a pleading tone and cut the call.

She spotted Manohar parking his bike. Gauri got up hurriedly and rushed towards him.

“Namaste aunty…  I could have come to your house…  Why did you insist on meeting me here? I am seeing that you are not that well……”, Manohar said opening his helmet. He noticed that Gauri was limping and was almost out of breath.

“No problem beta… I don’t want your friend Raju to know that I met you… and I never know these days when he will be home so I didn’t take the risk… I won’t take much of your time…”

“What do you want to talk to me about aunty?… but first let me take you to the tea stall there… you look exhausted”

In between sips of tea in small glasses in a tiny tea stall, they talked.

“I didn’t have any idea about Raju’s present condition… It’s been a long time since I talked to him… he never picks up my calls lately…”

“Even his mother didn’t have a clue… you are just a friend”, Gauri smiled sadly.

“I wanted to talk to you since you used to be his best friend since childhood”

“So… can you help me Manohar?”, Gauri asked him with hope in her eyes.

Manohar was silent for a minute absorbing all the information as he finished his tea.

“Anything for my best friend…”

“And Manohar, can you please tell me the names and phone numbers of a few other good friends of Raju?” Gauri asked him wearing her spectacles and taking out a small notepad and pen from her bag.

“Sure aunty”

Gauri thanked him with tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips.

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Gauri had been keeping unwell a lot lately. Raju was never present in the house. There was nobody to care for her so her eldest son who was a doctor took her away to his home for treatment. She had been under his care for a few weeks… but not for long.

It was a silent heart attack.

The day was grim. The sky was cloudy with frequent bouts of rain. The whole family had gathered to perform the last rites. Raju had also come upon hearing the news. They all were grief stricken. Being with each other gave them some solace. But Raju was aloof. He did not mingle with anyone. He sat alone in the balcony watching the intermittent rain. His brother came and handed him a letter.

“Amma had asked me to give it to you just a few days back if something happened to her… maybe she knew her end was near”. He said, wiping his tears.

Raju took the letter but didn’t say anything. His brother left him alone.

Raju opened the letter and started reading.

My dear Raju,

I never wanted to write a letter to you. What I desired was to sit face to face with you and talk a lot. I wanted to know you like never before. You will say that we have never done this earlier Amma then why now? 

Maybe nowadays I realise that since you never talked much and kept to yourself, I missed knowing you as a person. I should have nudged you and tried to know you better. Now, I want to find out where I had failed you as a mother… But I guess I was scared to hear what you might say so never properly expressed this desire of mine to you. Taking a blame from my child would not have been easy… that too after so long. Then I realized that the past is past. Why ponder over something I can’t change? Why not focus on the future instead and try to fix the wrongdoings?

So, I talked to your close friends. I have to admit that they know you much better than I ever did. I came to know you never liked your job. You were compelled to do this just because of peer pressure. I realised that we never asked you what you want to do in life and you were instructed to follow your siblings. They also told me that you have always dreamt of having a huge library of your own. You are the happiest around your books.

Do you remember the coconut grove in our village where all your brothers and sisters used to play while you sat under the trees and read your comic books? I have transferred that land to your name. It is the most profitable ancestral land we possess. It does good business. You need not do any other job if you have it. You can build a library of your own in that land!

I have also named our ancestral home to you. So, my dear Raju, if you want to read books sitting under the coconut trees again for the rest of your life then you can do that also! But please be happy and become my fuss free son again. Can you do that my son?

I have talked to Vasudha. I can only say that she worries a lot about you and is very sad after leaving you. She did it only because she was concerned about the future of her son under your bad habits. Vasudha said that Viaan is exactly like you. He also has an eternal love for his books. I might not know many things about you but this much I know that your life is incomplete without your wife and child. You are suffering without them but can’t express it.  Please leave your drinking habit and try to take care of them. 

And remember always that family is everything. You might have your differences with your brothers but I trust the values I have raised you all with. They will be there for you whenever you need them and I know you will reciprocate.

That is all I could do for you. You had a lot of complaints from your childhood. Hope I could rectify some of them… and for the rest please forgive me. You are also a father now so you will be aware that raising a child in a proper manner is a huge task. It’s no easy job…. And I had five…  I tried to do my best… 

A mother always wishes the best for her children. I might have flawed in a few places but please know that my love for all my five children were the same…. 

Love you always my dear son…

                                              Your Amma…

Raju sat in stunned silence after reading the letter. He got startled when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. Vasudha and Viaan were standing next to him. Raju held the letter to his chest and cried like never before…

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